For a long time, I was stuck in the cycle of people pleasing and shame. Maybe you relate? It went a little like this...
I had extremely high expectations of myself and when I didn't meet those, I would beat myself up. Often that intense shame that arouse would cause me to act out-- drinking, binging, purging, unhealthy relationships... you get the drill.
It wasn't until I got into recovery and became a therapist myself that I learned that shaming myself was actually KEEPING me stuck, not helping me.
I knew setting boundaries was the key to improving my mental health, but I didn't want people to be mad at me! I didn't want people to think I was "making a big deal out of things". My perfectionism told me if I started setting boundaries, all the people in my life would leave. I also had no confidence in my ability to keep the boundaries I set, so why bothering even trying. I didn't even know how to start!
Thankfully through therapy, I was able to get into recovery from my eating disorder and alcohol abuse.
However, the more I continued to work on myself the more I realized I also needed to recover from my people pleasing, perfectionism and codependency.
Boundaries and self compassion became some of the most important and transformative tools I learned in my own healing journey.
When I created my instagram account in 2018, I was shocked at how many people were in the same boat as me until recently and never learned how to set boundaries.
Women from all over the world DM'd me asking...
"How do I set boundaries with my friends?"
"How do I tell my mother-in-law she cannot come over to my house whenever she wants?"
"How can I tell my partner I need more alone time?"
In response to this I started creating Boundaries Scripts on Instagram that gave examples of exactly how to say these specific boundaries. They quickly went viral and I realized I was on to something.
But I want to make sure you know how to actually set boundaries based on my formula, versus relying on scripts that I create.
So I created my Boundaries Master Class coming in 2022!. So you can learn *exactly* how to set boundaries for yourself, no matter what situation you are in based on my unique method.
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